Kasey has always been an optimal student; first to class, homework completed days in advance, off book before anyone else, first to give her presentations, etc. Kasey was “ideal” until her second acting class. Before, she was always rewarded with lead roles and lengthy monologues because of her talent but here she’s just another actress; another actress that the professor doesn’t seem to take a liking to. So now Kasey comes in late every class and sits in the back; that is until Tuesday’s class after Easter break. She is called to present a monologue from her own past experience, Kasey sat upon a stool in the center of the room and begun reciting an objectively superficial monologue she had written about adolescent bullying. “When I was 12 I was a cheerleader in my middle school. After practice had finished a couple of the older girls in on the team took my bra from me in the locker room. It had to have been the most vulnerable and…” Kasey was interrupted by the professor, asking her to dig deeper and find something of substance, it didn’t even have to be one of her own experience at this point.
Kasey stared towards the ground chipping the remaining black nail polish off her left index finger, and pulling from her youthful list of memories she stated again. “Well, I had a friend once who hated herself so much, inside and out. She could never just feel pretty enough, smart enough or like she mattered enough to anyone. It took her a lot of time to confide in me, that she had a self-loathing problem. She hated everything about herself because no one seemed to love her; they always just left her in the dust. At first she brushed it off and said that something was wrong with them, but then seven years later without a consistent hug or even a simple “you’re beautiful” can really take a toll on someone. So over the years, she started to change herself; clothing, hair, and piercings they are so easy to change because they are reversible. But nothing seemed to work; she still had this empty hole inside her. So she decided she needed to be more drastic. Working out to get the perfect body might help, but she didn’t have the will to wait that long for someone’s affection, so the purging began.
“Maybe purging all the ugliness inside her would leave room for the pretty, for the acceptance, and even for the love to fill her insides; these emotions acting as a blanket of warmth to her shivering neglected shell. So every night… I walk into the bathroom to make more room for the love.” Kasey finally looks as the tears built up during the monologue stream down her cheeks, mimicking battle scars in the auditorium lighting.