I sit in my room holding a gentle pink rose quartz to the left side of my chest. The left side of the chest contains a muscle so strong that it not only instinctively fuels every other muscle, tissue, and nerve but it also houses an array of emotions as well. Deep breath in through the nose and exhale out through pursed lips. Allowing this crystal to speak to my heart chakra and; dissolve the stresses from my everyday life as well as my fears of being hurt in the near future.
A specific fear comes to mind when I think of you, a fear of reopening a fresh wound that was committed by another man. I fear that while you are away fulfilling your dreams you just use me to pass the time. I fear that you, just like he, will discard me along with my full and tender heart. It’s unfair for me to cast this fear upon you. I know that. I keep telling myself that you are not like him but yet this fear lingers; my fear of not being enough. I remind myself that before you left I was enough to share your minutes. I remind myself that it was you who sought me out at our friends Pride party. I remind myself that making crepes were always on the breakfast menu no matter how late you were running. I remind myself it was you who set an alarm to wake up at midnight just to be the first to wish me a happy birthday. These small moments shared between us are what made me fall so hard and so fiercely for you.
But fear is a strong demon that can’t be deterred easily. So over the next three months I ask for your patience, deeply inhaling through my nose, and attention, slowly releasing the air along with the fears.